Nine Days

There are only nine days left until my surgery.

Nine days until I can hug my family on my left side without fear of touching my face.

Nine days until I can kiss my husband without pain.

Nine days until I can wash my face without pain.

Nine days until I can brush my teeth without pain.

Nine days until I can eat more than mashed potatoes.

Nine days until I can ride in the car with the windows down.

Nine days until I can be outside in the blustery wind.

Nine days until anything cold can touch my face.

Nine days until I CAN touch my face.

Nine more day until I get my life back.

Oh nine days please go quickly by.

I’m tired of the pain.

Your stay in my face is now over.

Please say goodbye.

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Oh shit…it IS brain surgery

When Eric and I left the doctor’s office two weeks ago we were relieved.  I happily called and text everyone that knew what was going on that I FINALLY had honest answers.  I was so excited.  Eric and I talked the rest of the way home how we felt a weight had been lifted.  We were told we could expect to hear from Heather to schedule the surgery after she received the approval from insurance.  This could take anywhere from a day up to 10 days.  Well that phone call came today.

I can’t even begin to tell you the crazy amount of emotions that I experienced listening to the voicemail.  I was happy, sad, excited, nervous and then anxiety hit!  The wait is over..well almost.  On June 7th I will be having my surgery with Dr. Casey.  Since the day the surgery was scheduled I haven’t really had those emotions again.  I’m trying my best to get everything ready at work for me to take 2-6 weeks off.   Just to complicate that matter I’m trying to hire a new part time leasing specialist before I leave.

I have the count down going.  Only 35 more days.  I still don’t think it has fully hit me that I’m having brain surgery yet.  On my not so bad pain days I tend to think about what is going to happen, but when those bad pain days the surgery can’t come soon enough.  This week has been hell for me pain wise.  It’s amazing that I am able to put one foot in front of the other at times.  I can’t even speak or eat without feeling a cattle prod to the side of my face.  35 days really isn’t that far away but other days it feels like its forever.

Eric and I are as prepared as we can be for the surgery…I think.  I’m always a “what if” person and think of the absolute worst possible outcomes while Eric just tells me to chill out.  We have a Give Forward page to help raise money for the “what if”.  We are very excited to donate any money not used to the Facial Pain Association.  There is also a meal train set up.  Eric will be going back to shortly after we get back from Michigan.  As reluctant as I am to ask for help, I think we will need it.  We would greatly appreciate anything you can do to help us.

I’m hoping the anxiety stays away and I don’t have any more “oh shit” moments.  I have a feeling the closer I get to the date, the more anxious I will be.  I keep telling myself I’ve beat cancer, I can rock brain surgery too.

Rant post. 

How the fuck can I hurt so bad with all this damn medication. According to some I shouldn’t even be walking. Today has been hell. I felt like I had an ice pick sticking out of my forehead and ear, someone taking a hammer to my cheek. The intensity of the pain is enough to drive a person insane.  Not to mention the stupid cattle prod anytime I open my mouth to eat or talk. 

June 7th cannot come soon enough.